Woody: Alright. You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! Now, just a few dunks. Amelia: "Exactly"? [The camera zooms into the theater screen as the screen fades to black]. This little guy's on the level. Something smells awfully good. Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. I guess youcan't win 'em all. How are you doing that? You remember him,of course. Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. Voice-over: Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! Elizabeth blair explores the dark world of comedy. Where--And somebody stolemy bumber shoot! Hiya, chicks. Girls! These pesky pets of mine will never come back. Now, dear, you goto the piano and-- Run a long. Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. Oh. That ain't. Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! [Screen fades from black, showing some of the locations from the film]. Huh. Edgar Balthazar: Great. In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. Waving a scythe, Edgar chases O'Malley up a ladder. Yes. Napoleon: You can just be replaced,you know. A family walks in to That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! The fun begins now on video! [Grunting]. Toulouse: Gee whiz! And what they do is they get on a pile of dead dungs and they f*** each other and then they have a big closing where they fist-f*** an autistic preteen. Napoleon: I'm the leader. The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005. He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. 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Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. Both of you, go ahead. Okay. Frou-Frou pulls on a rope and the hook lifts Edgar up into the air. It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. Subscribe for more terrible shit! [Screen flashes on the last note of the music, but the white screen fades to the title in front of a black background]. (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. I wouldlike to see your pad,and meet your friend Scat Cat. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet. Kittens? Genie: [sings] They're eventually getting married! Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. SUBTITULOS ESPAOL Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Now, this isno time for fun and games. And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? 2023. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" It will come later. This-- Well, this mansion? Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? Well, there it is. Abigail: And you, dear,you take this place. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. Oh! The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? Please,you must stop that. [offscreen]Berlioz, here we are. Abigail:We're not chickens. Right. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. Edgar, come quickly! And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." (2x). Gee! Hold on, Kyle. So dysfunctional, it defies description. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Cheer up. [ Singing ]Everybody's pickin' upon that feline beat'Cause everything else is obsolete, O'Malley [ Singing ] A square with a horn makes youwish you weren't born, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Every time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] But with a squarein the actYou can setmusic back, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]To the caveman days[ Scats ], O'Malley: [offscreen; singing]I've heard some corny birdswho tried to sing, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Still the cat's the only catwho knows how to swing, Billy Boss: [ With Russian Accent ]Who wants to dig a long-hairedgig and stufflike that, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]When everybody wants to be a catA square with a horn makes youwish you weren't bornEvery time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky tinky dinky, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]With a square in the actyou can set music backTo the caveman days, Marie: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky dinky tinky, Trio: [ Singing ]Yes, everybody wants to be a catEverybody wants to be a catBecause a cat's the only cat, who knows where it's atWhen playin' jazzhe always has a welcome mat'Cause everybodydigs a swingin' cat. The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. Don't shush yourold Uncle Waldo! Maybe it would come out right now as an Berlioz: [Yelps, Needle Scratching,Music Slows]. Poor Madame. Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! Because no one is gonna book this show! Duchess: Good evening,Monsieur Roquefort. Brian Cummings: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". No. And I come after the cats. Napoleon: Ow, that's me! I've got to do something quick! But now we have tocook up a little spell. [6] It came to wider public attention when it was told by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner. Frou-Frou: Hurry, Roquefort. But where? What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Lil' Rush I'll see ya down stream. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. That'spretty corny, though, huh? Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". Good. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." A very enthusiastic--. Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats? After the performance, the talent agent asks them just what the hell their act was supposed to be, to which they respond, "The Aristocrats!" Laverne: Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever. Berlioz: Andyou said we're gonnaride on your magic carpet. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. [Laughing]. Pat Cooper: My grandmother, on the stage, has an abortion! Edgar opens the door. Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. Art treasures,jewels and--. O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good day, sir. The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. Buzz Lightyear: Hey! John Leader: Now, that movie can be part of your family's collection of grand Disney animated classics. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. The horse blocks the road. Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? But it's really nice to have introductions. Which pets are blessed withthe fairest forms and faces? The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? Short no. Huh? Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. We're gonnafly after all! Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette. Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. When they're seen upon an airing. Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." Take that! I love 'em. Mm, ooh, oh, heh. Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Oh, no! Oh, are you all right? John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. Berlioz: I'm coming, Mama. It's from Carmen,isn't it? Ahh! I had the most horribledream about them. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. [onscreen]The baggage truck willbe here any moment now. He's beenmarinated in it. Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? And then my daughter comes on stage. And those eyes of yours. Hold on! Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. Oh, no! Startmentioning name, rodent. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. I ain't done nothin'. O'Malley: Lay some skin on me,Scat Cat. Oh, no! O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Mark Elliott: The story of one extraordinary human being. Edgar Balthazar: Your favorite dishprepared a very special way. It wasn't a dream, was it? Uh-oh. Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. Oh, they'll need help. The garbage canswhere common kitties play. I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. Where did these people find employment! Girl: And then the raccoons ate our food and they all had poison ivy. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. But we've got to hurry. Napoleon:I got a feelin' this caseis gonna bust wide open. Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. Amelia: Uncle Waldo. I mean, oh, each cat will liveabout 12 years. O'Malley: Now look, kids. O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. Rita Rudner: The people are abusing each other. O'Malley:[offscreen]Move! [Then we see the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools]. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! If we're going to Paris ourselves, why don't youjoin us? From the theater.to your living room. It's a motorcycle. Ow! Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:That's exactlywhat they are, Georges. And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. Shun Gon: Oh, boy, fellas! A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! Berlioz? Frogs: [singing] Needeep, croak, ribbit, croak, needeep. Ooh, it's them shoes again. Oh! Mark Elliott: With the click of the mouse, you bring the story to life! If I said "magic carpet," okay? O'Malley: Go away! O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, they won't find a clueto implicate me. Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. It relates the story of a family trying to WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! O'Malley: Right underthat magic carpet. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. O'Malley: No, no, no, baby. Whoo-whoo! That feels good,Lafayette. I know it's Georges. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]Yes, Georges. Georges Hautecourt: Evening. O'Malley: Of course not. Let's rock the joint! Hmm? The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. Send us a tip using our anonymous form. Duchess: (offscreen)Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley. And the agent's like, "What do you do?" Oh, please! I'll think of a way. The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. A man goes into a bar and says to the owner. Stocks and bonds? [onscreen]Tell him O'Malley sent youand you won't have a bit of trouble. Rita Rudner: Where did these people find employment? This is not a joke, this would go on TV. O'Malley: Show you the way? [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! [offscreen]I've learned to live with 'em. 0:55. O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! [chuckling] Just like you say, Thomas. Abigail: Oh, dear! I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. Size nine-and-a-half. Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! Which pets possessthe longest pedigree? Let's hurry. Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. O'Malley: Oh, thank you. Step on the gas, Napoleon! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing] Oh, Berlioz. O'Malley! [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. It's a totally different show. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. We want to hear it. O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! Madame isexpecting you, sir. Duchess: Please, girls. One joke prevails over all others, however: The Aristocrats, a joke comedians keep back to tell each other (or themselves, as a warm-up act). Mac:[offscreen]Yup, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu. Duchess: Now, Berlioz. Mm. Berlioz:Hooray, we're home! Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! Duchess:Oh! And I always throw in that. Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? Away! A talent agent is sitting in his office, Gottfried says. O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! You've got it! Scat Cat:Come on, cats! 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